Uncover 21 Engaging Ideas To Make Your Phone Sex Experience Unforgettable.
Tips and Examples (And How to Get Started)
Sexting is a skill, and the great thing is, it's simple to master and can be tailored to fit your unique style.
Here’s everything you need to know about sexting, complete with plenty of examples to share with your partner and some key guidelines to ensure a fun and satisfying experience for both of you after indulging in a little naughtiness.
So, what exactly is sexting? At its core, sexting is when two people consensually exchange text messages about their intimate desires.
It can be as straightforward as a brief mention of a steamy moment ("Last night was incredible, I loved how you pressed me against the wall"), or it could be an elaborate 10-paragraph erotic story crafted just for you by your partner, with no expectation other than a simple "thank you" in return.
Phone sex can be an incredibly enjoyable experience for both partners, even though it might lead to some awkward moments—similar to what can happen during in-person intimacy. This form of connection is particularly valuable for those in long-distance relationships. Sharing your risqué thoughts and desires over the phone can feel surprisingly easy, though it's normal to feel a bit shy about voicing your wildest fantasies to your device.
Here’s a guide to help you navigate phone sex and make the most of it with your partner.
1. Ensure enthusiastic consent from both sides
Before diving into any sexual experience, whether online or in person, it's essential to secure enthusiastic consent.
Enthusiastic consent goes beyond just a simple "yes"—it's more like an "absolutely, yes!" If texting feels more comfortable for you, that's totally fine.
Here are a few text ideas you might consider sending:
"I can't stop thinking about you lately; can we set up a time for me to share some of my wild fantasies with you over the phone?"
"I really miss our intimate moments. How about we explore some phone sex this weekend?"
"That photo you sent earlier has me feeling so excited. Can I call you to share what I’d do if you were right here with me?"
"Since we won't be seeing each other for a bit, I thought it might be fun to try phone sex. What do you think about that?"
If your partner seems unsure, it might be helpful to ask them what specifically makes phone sex unappealing. This way, you can explore options that might work better for both of you.
For instance, if they're concerned about being overheard by roommates, suggest sexting instead. If they feel shy about expressing themselves verbally, a video chat could be a fun alternative.
Also, keep in mind that just because your partner is interested in phone sex one night doesn’t mean they’ll feel the same way the next time. Always make sure to check in for consent before planning another phone sex session.
2. Get to know their intimate language before diving in
If you've been in a relationship for a while, you might already be aware of the words or fantasies that excite your partner, including any special names they enjoy during intimate moments and how they refer to their bodies.
If you're considering phone sex with a new or virtual partner, it’s a good idea to familiarize yourself with their preferences beforehand.
You can do this by directly asking them. For instance, you might say, "Do you like it when I say 'breasts,' or is there another term you prefer?" Alternatively, you can pay close attention to how they express themselves sexually, whether about themselves or others.
Another approach to uncovering your partner's verbal likes is to inquire if they've ever read any erotic stories that particularly excited them and if they’d be willing to share. This can also serve as a fun way to warm up for phone sex!
3. Don’t hesitate to practice a bit
As a sex writer who has indulged in erotic fiction for quite some time, I can easily talk about intimate topics without hesitation. However, you might not feel as at ease.
Like any skill, getting comfortable with sexy talk takes practice. Even if you don’t have a partner to practice with just yet, you can explore erotic audiobooks, literature (sites like Literotica and Bellesa offer great free content), and even adult videos to naturally pick up some enticing vocabulary.
4. Get dressed as if you're going on a real date
It can be tough to feel sexy when you're lounging in your sweatpants after a takeout meal on the couch. To help set the mood for phone sex, consider preparing yourself just like you would for an actual date, even if your partner can't see you. Wearing something like lingerie or even going completely nude can make you feel just as alluring as it does for those who might be watching.
5. Make sure to minimize distractions
Even if you decide to skip the grooming, think about where you'll take the call, whether your headphones are charged, and other details. "Your surroundings are important," says Stella Harris, a sex coach and author of Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships. "Although you're in different locations, both of you should be in enticing settings, like a bed or a bathtub. Adding pleasant scents and lighting candles can enhance the experience." Also, remember to set your phone to Do Not Disturb mode—nothing ruins the vibe like a work email interrupting your phone sex.
6. Take your time
Engaging in phone foreplay is just as crucial as traditional foreplay. Dating coach Adam LoDolce advises, "Start off gradually. There's no need to jump from 'Hi' to 'I want to tie you up and spank you' in just a couple of minutes." Allow yourself and your partner to build arousal at a comfortable pace, just like you would during in-person intimacy. If you're feeling a bit shy about diving into explicit talk right away, sexologist Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., suggests easing into it with simple phrases like "Yes!," "More!," or "Absolutely!"—just go with what feels right for you instead of trying to mimic anyone else.
7. Take it easy
Phone foreplay holds the same significance as physical foreplay. According to dating coach Adam LoDolce, "Ease into it. You don’t have to leap from 'Hello' to 'I want to tie you up and spank you' in a flash." Spend time stimulating both yourself and your partner, just as you would in a face-to-face encounter. If you're hesitant to jump straight into steamy talk, sexologist Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., recommends starting with casual phrases like "Yes!," "More!," or "Absolutely!"—let your natural instincts guide you rather than trying to imitate someone else.
8. Revisit fond memories
"You don’t need to engage in role-play or elaborate scenarios," says Harris. "In fact, if you prefer, you can skip the imagination altogether. Just share a steamy memory you have with your partner." Harris suggests something like, "Do you remember that time you pushed me against the wall at our favorite bar? That was incredibly hot." This can prompt your partner to share their own memories or encourage you to elaborate, making the conversation flow effortlessly.
9. Share your desires and fantasies
One fun approach to phone sex is to express what you wish you could do with your partner.
Harris recommends starting with something like, "Do you know what I would do if you were right here with me?" Then, dive into a vivid description of the intimate moments you crave.
If you think your partner would appreciate it, you can also flip the question and ask them what they would love to do with you.
10. Compliment your partner on what you adore about them
Everyone enjoys a good compliment, so if you're finding it hard to keep the conversation flowing during phone sex, this is a perfect way to bridge any gaps (and don't forget, moans can work wonders too!).
Let your partner know how much you miss their amazing physique or the little things they do that drive you wild. You might mention a specific sound or expression they have in bed that you find irresistible.
You can expand on this by sharing which part of their body you long for and what you’d love to do with it. Or, talk about that special sound they make and how you’d want to elicit it if you were together.
11. When you're unsure, add personal touches and details
Along with giving compliments, it's important to make your partner feel cherished. Whether you're sharing sweet words or discussing intimate moments, try to personalize your expressions to reflect your unique relationship.
For instance, instead of saying, "I wish I could kiss you all over right now," you might say, "I wish we were curled up on the couch in your living room after our favorite show, and I could start kissing you from those adorable shoulder dimples all the way down to your ticklish little feet."
Harris suggests engaging all your senses when you choose your words. "What do you feel, smell, hear, see? Paint that picture."
12. Avoid dismissing your partner's fantasies
It's common to feel a bit uneasy about saying the wrong thing during phone sex. If your partner shares a fantasy that doesn't excite you, try not to shut them down immediately. Doing so could make them feel rejected or embarrassed, which can spoil the mood. "Keep an open mind and adopt a 'Yes, and...' approach," advises LoDolce. "If they mention something that doesn't quite resonate, just go with it and build on it."
For example, if your partner talks about a fantasy involving a third person and that's not your thing, you could respond with, "When I see you with someone else, I get so turned on that I just have to pull you away for some private fun in the bathroom..."
Of course, if your partner brings up fantasies that you haven't discussed before and you don't share those interests, it might be worth having a conversation about it later. You could also explore ways to enjoy discussing their fantasies, even if you don't plan to act on them in real life.
TFF Tip:
If your partner starts sharing a fantasy that doesn't resonate with you or makes you uncomfortable, it's best not to dismiss them outright. Instead, maintain an open attitude and gently guide the discussion toward a different topic.
13. If something has really dampened the mood, it's important to be honest yet kind.
If you feel like the spark is gone—maybe your dad keeps calling or your partner is persistently asking for a nude photo despite your reluctance—it's best to communicate that to your partner. This way, you can reconnect more effectively later.
Here are a few ways to express this:
"I'm really sorry, but my dad keeps trying to get in touch, and it's totally ruining the vibe, even though I was really into it before. Can we pick this up again tomorrow night?"
"I'm enjoying our phone sex, but your repeated requests for photos are making me uncomfortable and are a bit of a turn-off. Can we save this for another time and talk about our boundaries first?"
"You have such a way with words, and I usually find it incredibly exciting, but I'm feeling a bit anxious about my big interview tomorrow. Can we reschedule for a time when I'm not so stressed?"
14. Let your imagination run wild with fantasies you might not want to explore in reality.
Just because your partner seems excited about discussing a threesome doesn’t necessarily mean they want to experience it in real life.
According to O'Reilly, "Many people find it easier to talk about their fantasies over the phone, as it feels less pressured than face-to-face conversations. The distance can help reduce any anxiety about acting on those fantasies, allowing you to enjoy them purely as ideas."
Use this opportunity to tap into a more adventurous side of yourself and share fantasies that you might usually keep to yourself.
15. Be attentive to your partner's signals.
Just like during intimate moments, it's important to check in with your partner to make sure they’re enjoying the experience of phone sex.
You can often pick up on their enjoyment through their sounds or any visuals they might share, especially if you're incorporating photos or videos. However, it’s always a good idea to verbally confirm how they’re feeling.
O'Reilly suggests using simple phrases to create a more comfortable atmosphere as you explore together. Consider asking:
"Are you enjoying that?"
"What would you like me to do?"
"How do you want it?"
16. Think about sharing some extra entertainment
If you're feeling a bit anxious about engaging in phone sex or aren't quite at ease with steamy talk, you might want to think about sharing a pornographic video or a sultry story that you and your partner can enjoy together.
Discussing things you'd like to explore from the video or story can feel less daunting than taking full control of the conversation. This approach can also help ease any "awkward" pauses, as the movie's sounds or the shared reading can fill those moments.
17. Avoid putting pressure on your partner
Before diving into phone sex, it’s a good idea to have an open conversation with your partner about their comfort levels regarding digital intimacy.
Are they okay with sharing photos, videos, or voice messages? Would they feel comfortable FaceTiming while they indulge themselves? If they’re not on board and you push for a photo during your call, it could be a turn-off, especially if you keep insisting.
While it’s natural to want to see your partner in a more intimate light during your chat, respecting boundaries is crucial for ensuring that both of you have a pleasurable experience, whether it’s over the phone or in person.
If your partner enjoys a bit of playful pressure, it might be a good idea to talk about a safe word they can use when they genuinely want you to stop suggesting something.
18. Consider alternating who leads the conversation so that the responsibility doesn't solely fall on your partner (unless they prefer it that way).
If you're feeling anxious about engaging in phone sex, your partner might be feeling the same, so it's important to share the effort just like you would in a regular intimate encounter.
If you think it could be exciting for you to share a complete fantasy during one phone call and let your partner take the lead next time, this is definitely worth discussing in advance or while setting boundaries. For instance, you might say, "I've been daydreaming about this fantasy involving you, and I'd love to share it over the phone.
No need to respond if you don't want to, but if it excites you, feel free to explore on your own." Otherwise, aim to take turns speaking as you would in any casual chat, ensuring that both partners feel relaxed and focused on enjoyment rather than pressure.
19. When words escape you, let sounds (or visuals) take the lead.
O'Reilly notes that "audio-only intimacy sparks the imagination, and many find sounds incredibly stimulating." Studies indicate that hearing a partner's voice can heighten arousal, leading to increased skin sensitivity. The sounds of your partner's voice, their moans, and the rustling of sheets can create a captivating atmosphere. So, even if you're not quite ready to dive into explicit dirty talk, you can still enjoy an exciting phone sex experience.
If you're more at ease sharing a photo or engaging in mutual pleasure over Skype or FaceTime, that can be just as thrilling. I've had enjoyable FaceTime encounters where my partner and I remained silent, simply focusing on our own pleasure while sharing the moment through camera and soft sounds.
20. Keep in mind that your partner is eager to connect with you during phone sex—so embrace your true self.
In various intimate situations, we often feel the urge to perform like a star from adult films or someone who radiates sexual confidence. While adopting a more assertive persona can help ease your nerves, remember that your partner is interested in you, not a celebrity. Be authentic and open about your desires and what excites you.
21. It's perfectly okay to recognize any moments of awkwardness.
As you start to incorporate dirty talk into your intimate moments, don't hesitate to share a laugh, suggests O'Reilly. "You definitely don’t want to mock your partner, but a little humor can lighten the mood while you explore new phrases, tones, and topics." O'Reilly also points out that adding a touch of playfulness can be a great way to ease into dirty talk, especially if it feels a bit awkward at first.
22. When you're ready, feel free to explore your own body — or not!
The primary goal of phone sex is to enjoy pleasure together with your partner. If you're up for it, go ahead and use any techniques that help you reach that pleasure, including your favorite toys nearby. "You can either focus on both of your bodies or take turns using your words to bring each other to climax," O'Reilly explains.
The takeaway
There are numerous advantages to phone sex, including the unique connection and intimacy you can experience with a partner who isn't physically present.
It's important to remember that you shouldn't feel pressured to reach climax if you're not feeling it. Perhaps you need a bit more phone foreplay, or maybe you just don't have the privacy to fully enjoy the moment.
While you shouldn't feel obligated to satisfy your partner if you're not in the mood, you might find pleasure in helping them with their own pleasure—whether through a story, a photo, or even a sultry audio message—even if you're not engaging in the same way.
With practice and enjoyment, you'll likely become more at ease with exploring your own body while listening to your partner's voice, and you'll find joy in describing in detail what you're doing to yourself.